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October 2, 2019 - LATEST PRE-SHOW NEWS - The Peasants Better Behave Themselves: A local private security firm (Apache, in case you care to know) has been retained by TRF to provide on-site security. Reportedly, they will operate independently, almost totally autonomously, only interacting with the real cops when someone needs a ride to the county Graybar Hotel. Traffic control on the roads will still be provided by Real law enforcement, since real laws require this. This also means that Darth Hagen is still controlling the dark side for the outer realms. So who is to be in control of these Mall Cops that will be roaming inside New Market Village you ask? Good question. With the reported disconnect of the GM from the realities of daily festival operation, this remains to be seen.
On a Different Note: The participants' privies are in the best condition seen in modern times. They are also actually clean. It is the fervent desire of all civilized persons that this level of clean persist. So to the uncivilized, if you gotta go, please make the transition to the 21st century when you walk in the privy door and use and operate the appliances properly (you know, asswipes go in the bowl and the whole business gets the flush). There are even neat signs around every corner to remind the more forgetful among the clientele where to put the TP and to NOT put NON-TP in the bowl. Oh yeah, and there is also a reminder to not smear feces on the walls, floor and fixtures. True story. It's a lugubrious commentary when this has to be officially and explicitly pointed out in such detail and in so many spots in the privies. For the non-participants reading this, the above is not satire or clever metaphore. It is an actual plea from the civilized world to the assholes in both houses of gender working here that apparently like to live in period-appropriate filth.
TRF(WTF?) Site News: We will be moving to WordPress soon to more logically arrange the wealth of must-have knowledge that is contained within these virtual walls. What does this mean for you? Not a damned thing, except it might be easier to figure out navigating around the site. You're welcome!
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June 21, 2019 - OFF-SEASON NEWS - Draining the Security Swamp: Well somebody in the Little Shop of Horrors finally grew a brain cell and figured out that the gestapo techniques employed by the Law Enforcement Pricks last year were "Bad". That's "Bad" as in "What The Fuck Is Wrong With You People" Bad. Maybe they have been reading this little Gossip Newsletter and absorbed the vibe (for more details on this, see the 2018 commentary below). Who knows? All *we* know is that a recent TRF response on social media to refute a Whiny-Assed Post from one of the usual Whiny-Assed People, pretty much details that changes are a-coming. Thank Odin! We knew there was some good left in there somewhere! So private security will replace the stormtroopers. Does that mean Darth Hagan is also out? We can but hope. Given that Event Security companies usually get the job done with less bullshit and public displays of coptosterone than actual cops, we couldn't be happier to hear about all this. But what is your reaction? Let us know at email@example.com! And we'd really like to hear from the new manager, GM Joe. Drop us a note, kind Sir (we're still at firstname.lastname@example.org)!
By the way, the past TRF(WTF?) PDF issues can be downloaded here.
No Weed For Anybody!
As we predicted, the weed jihad has made it into the grounds. Recent reported activity includes tents and vehicles being involuntarily searched, with recreational materials being confiscated and passes revoked. It has become quite apparent that Darth Hagan and his clone army do not feel any particular need to adhere to common legal procedure regarding search and seizure when on TRF property. Assuming this is not pursuit of drugs other than pot, and given that TRF has demonstrated real friendship and concern for the Ren community (see all the fire and flood help they provided, among a lot of other things), the unprecedented new animosity on the part of TRF (or is it just one or two "influential" people?) toward this aspect of Ren culture is surprising, to say the least. One is moved to wonder how far they will go in trying to stuff everybody into this shiny new mundane ethos? We'll just have to see. Come on, Texas! Hurry up and legalize marijuana!
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It's an Arbitrary Unarmed Robbery
Did you know that the electric service at TRF is screwed up and dangerous? You did? Well TRF apparently didn't - until the results of a safety inspection were handed down last week. Like the knee-jerk reaction of a lifeform when surprised, their response is to stomp more money out of the peasants. Apparently this is not considered facility improvement, or even a cost of doing business that should be budgeted for, or funded by a dip into the credit line like a normal business. It's an extraordinary event that has to be funded out of band. It would seem the YUGE money being paid to those at the top remains sacred and cannot be touched and the bottom line profit numbers probably can't take any one-time hits without the business looking to be in "trouble". Nope, they chose the solution of biting more chunks out of the hands that actually feed this corporate animal. According to an admittedly gentle toned, if unwelcome email, every vendor has to immediately cough up an extra Ben Franklin (yes, $100) with zero warning (even if they don't even use any TRF electricity), because the King, the GM and the greenskeeper decided so at a "strategy" meeting last week. Forget that it has been a fairly crappy season for many vendors and money is tight. Pay up, peasants! And don't complain or even breathe a word about it on social media or you are outta there! Remember, you read it here.
Nice form, TRF management. Enjoy your bonuses. (Ouch! Perception is reality in the multiverse.)
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On a Positive Note...
The speedy driver problem appears to be getting attention. Empire enforcers sitting in their units are being seen all around the back road. The resulting sudden compliance with the speed limit is making everyone safer. Credit where credit is due, y'all.
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On a Not Positive Note...
The TRF(WTF?) email box has lit up with inquiries and alarming inuendo regarding an altercation between a TRF Imperal storm trooper and a TRF participant during school days that resulting in injuries and possible threats of legal action. Rumor is all we have at the moment, but if anyone closer to this breaking news would like to chime in, please email us at email@example.com. Anonymity is guaranteed as always. We would be sorry to believe that worst of these rumors, so no-spin, non-fake news is bigly needed.
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Let There Be Art!
His Nibs, Lord Albert has refuted the rumor that he said "People do not come to TRF for the art". From a polite (and rather surprising, after the finger he gave us last year) email we received at firstname.lastname@example.org, he asserts: "People Do Come to TRF for Art. An[sic] you can quote me on that. You guys are smoking crack if you think I really said that."   ... Thus sayeth the Lord.
Assuming this isn't an attempt to walk back an actual earlier quote, and assuming the capitalized 'Art' isn't a proper name, We sort of thought so too. But now we know that he knows. And he knows we know that he knows. Besides, it was just a rumor.
And as for the crack thing? We can neither confirm nor deny... Or afford it. You know how it is.
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There is an enthusiastic TRF(WTF?) supporter handing out business cards with a descriptive comparison of the TRF and TRF(WTF?) websites. One of our many info sources sent us pics in the mailbox. Thanks, Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous! We love them! Smooches!
No Weed For You!
The latest action by the Empire's new clone army of security officers is a crackdown on pot. From reports, this has so far manifested mainly in patron camping. Last weekend saw even just the smell of doobie being grounds to send in the dogs. No reports of a weed jihad for participants yet, but we're pretty sure that is coming. Between this crackdown and the policy of look-and-feel regimentation that has been growing at TRF, stay tuned for the death of creativity, initiative, and the desire for any artist or artisan to even be there. We were reliably informed at the beginning of the season that TRF believes that "people do not come to TRF for art" (as quoted from Lord Albert). That's a fortunate attitude, because once the art is gone, all that will be left is overpriced food, not-ready-for-broadway entertainment, and dollar store merch from the importers. Maybe then TRF's journey to the dark side will be complete.
TRF Management: 1, TRF Security: 0
TRF management has managed(!) a better social batting average this year than was seen in times past. The general attitude of the Little Shop of Horrors, as well as the electronic correspondance from Kim Bryant has been good to genuinely humorous. Avid readers of this humble opinion site will probably wonder what amazing new substance we are smoking (and where to get some) for saying this, but yeah we said it, so there you are.
However, Newton being the absolute bastard he is, there is an opposite reaction to the above. TRF's onsite security force seems to suddenly be taking a page from the alt right. The heavy handedness, the bad attitudes and the cold and unapproachable natures of many of the officers this year make it pretty obvious that something bad has happened since last season. With the sad loss of our beloved Chief Johnny Martinez and an almost complete staff replacement, the temperature of the TRF security force has dropped like a rock. It's almost as if the Sith have arrived. Don't dare talk back, or even question the actions of one of these steely-eyed officers or you will be sans pass and kicked out of TRF faster than you can say "WTF?!" Oh, and don't hawk anything these humorless ones think is "inappropriate". Same result. This is not hyperbole, this is recent history. Incidentally, we at TRF(WTF?) are making a deliberate attempt to start a paper trail about this, so if you have a report of blatant asshole behavior or unacceptably dick moves by any TRF Keystones, please drop us a note at email@example.com. Further, we beseech the benign glory and mercy of Lord Albert to please have a word with Darth Hagan about his minions maintaining a positive attitude while they are being professional cops. We need reasonable security at TRF, not a zero-tolerance jihad. We thank thee in advance, good Sir.
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Appeasement of the Gods Seems to Have Worked
It would seem that the virgin sacrifices and other occult activities have resulted in the satisfaction of whatever evil git that kept sending 90 degree-plus temperatures and humidity that would choke a trout. We look forward to heavenly (if you believe in that silly place) weather for All Hallow's Eve. We hope all that have hesitated to attend our village so far will show up now. We want to see a seventy-five thousand weekend!
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The Tater Salad 500 Revisited
Last time we checked, the speed limit is still 15 MPH (with 10 MPH in spots). Even with the plethora of easy-to-read speed limit signs, there are still Mario Andretti Wannabe jackasses hauling ass around the site. In case you actually need this spelled out in written English: THAT SHIT IS DANGEROUS. SLOW YOUR SPEEDY ASS DOWN. If Hagan's minions want something actually constructive to do to Protect and Serve, start handing out some speeding tickets. You guys should be good at that, you're cops. Cheers.
It's a Shit Storm
According to official sources, the participants' privies are going to be locked at night and during the week.
Are you asking why? It's because some bipedal subhuman animals are dropping a deuce on the floor in the showers and then ... (wait for it) ...
THEY ARE FINGER-PAINTING THE WALLS WITH THEIR OWN POOP.
We'll wait while you read that again...
That's right, some primitive life forms are literally shitting on the floor and then painting the walls with their own shit. This isn't fake news, this is from an official email that was broadcast by TRF this week. There is another species that does this. Chimpanzees. Yeah, chimps. They're found in zoos.
This is a new low, even for the low-octane fraction that haunts TRF. Guess what the rest of the world thinks of TRF participants now? Thanks for fucking it up for everybody, idiots.
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Management Communications Review
The quality of communications from the Management of TRF has lately impressed our staff literary critics.
The tone has been respectful, light and informative. And the demands have been uncharacteristically reasonable. We approve.
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Where's the PDF?
Publishing PDFs is a big pain in the ass, so we will be placing all editorial content here on the trfwtf.com website. We're sure you will get over it.